the surprising debate

This is story of Mingus (me) and Chingus (my wife) of how we went from a happy, carefree, wild married life to a family oriented, settling down pair.

Surprising it was…the debate. We were so sure about never having a baby ever….since we committed to our relationship and now we were settling down to figure it out!! Climate change you see? 😀 So here we were, both a little in transformed state. I was heavily influenced by the conversation i had with my friend, but Chingus was all on her own…melting & changing from within….may be by forces of nature. Her womanhood was taking a turn. During our usual casual weekeday dinner we decided to for a dinner date, the following weekend and talk about having a baby. Tadaaa! That in itself was a huge deal for two of us. What was about to come in near future was a grand deal for everyone close to us! Because they all knew how adamant we were about not multiplying. 😉 😀

 

We went to one of our favorite restaurants. I sat down with a mug of beer & she with vodka+coke. We drank very little that night, but ate a lot. Ate lot of food and a lot of our brains too 😀 I could see that the lady within Chingus was developing into a wannabe mother. She was not very sure about it, and wast very vocal about it either. But the subtle changes were very evident….changes in thought, desires, life at large. Mingus (myself) was the usual self. Still selfish…..thinking about lonely old days and totally sold out on the thought “life would be so boring if i dont have anyone to cry & crib about or one to laugh at” 😉 LOL! Kidding! I was genuinely able to visualize the emptiness. We talked, thought & agreed :: “to have someone whom we would love more than each other, to be able to raise a human being who would possibly make the world a better place…atleast our world, to nurture a life that would bring a plethora of emotions including those of contempt & gratitude, etc would be so much more enchanting, enriching and marvelous! It would surely be a roller coaster of huge ups & steep downs, but heck! that would be one hell of a ride!! that would make our life so far more livelier & worthier.”

 

The balance on weighing scale had shifted. By the end of that dinner night, we had crossed a long distance….from carefree-land to worry-land. Yup! There seemed to be a mountain of worries lying ahead if we were going to multiply. We had to start with the medical checkups. We wanted to be sure if both of us were in good healthy state to make the fertilization deliver a healthy sapling! 🙂 There was lot of alcohol, meat and lack of fitness in our bodies to clear before the process began. We wanted a hefty bank balance for any emergency expenditure (medical needs to be specific). We wanted a car! We had to learn driving a car well in this mad metro traffic! And a host of such easy, silly accomplishments before we started the process of baby-making. No stress! 😀

Amidst all this; age clock was ticking relentlessly, without any breaks. Chingus has crossed 20. Our doctor’s BP was going high. My mother’s going low. Relatives started to believe one of us was impotent. Well, am not sure if they thought so but seemed pretty viable. And last but not the least, most of our friends had scored 1. Few scored 2 too! Remaining few were in the making of 2nd. Aaaghrrrhhhh!!

OK! So its decided. No more waiting. Baby making 101 starts next month 1st. That we planned.

the turning point

This blog is about me (Mingus) sharing his journey of love, life & giving life to another soul with his wife (Chingus).

When it comes to family matters, friends always come handy for advises.
Immediately after marriage, Chingus quit her job and shifted to my city. Months passed by blankly. No job, empty days & a disappointed mood throughout day. One day, one of my childhood friend would advice “why dont you guys have a baby right now? One big task from the checklist could be striked off no?” And we would react “Whaaaat?!! WTF?!! Having a baby is checking off 1 item from a to do list?!! Ewww!” 😀

There would be others.. people who matter a bit in our lives like family doctor, relatives, colleagues etc. And people who didnt matter at all like our regular shopkeepers, beggars, neighbors, gym members & who not! 😀 Everyone had a vested interest in checking if am potent & my wife fertile. Parents?! Uh ho! The most upset souls who are little shy to demand but would still say “2-3 bache to hone hi chahiye” (“minimum 2-3 should be the count”). Duhh! 5 years into marriage & not a single kid?! Thats one of the favorite tonic for gossip lovers in India. We should be jailed. Thats what all their faces read! 😀 More than me, it was Chingus who had to bear the brunt. Her aunts, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, few friends, etc would gently tap her once a while.

Such attacks would always go untouched. We might merely exchange information on who said what & forget it. But every time we met a friend who has a cute kid, we would melt a bit. A slight temptation of having one of own would arise. And exactly around that time when our hearts start to soak in temptation, ‘Almighty’ would bless us with company of a toddler. Either some family visits us for few days or we visit one. And the day they leave/we return, we would be back to normal state of bliss. We would be like “Phew! What a relief! Its so peaceful in here…with just the two of us & no Tarzan around!” So we were always contended & convinced that we dont need a kid. Caveat : i was sure about myself on that, but on my wife’s behalf…that was just my belief. I wasnt 100% sure if something was changing within her over years.

So one fine day (somewhere around beginning of 5th year of marriage), i was traveling to another city for work along with my good friend and partner. He is a 50+ chap whose kid is now into college, but still going young & strong. Brought up the topic “sir! what about kids? You guys dont want one or are delaying it for some reason?”. I gave a stern answer “we dont want one”. There was a lengthy debate that stretched all through our 4 hour journey. A lot of sensible, mature talk. But something illogical, something very light hit me real hard. He said “you know what? its all good & glory for now, but when you grow older…over your 40s and closer to your 50s you would badly miss an in-house companion. You would be disappointed that all your friends & family are too busy with their own inmates. That time you & your wife would be your only companion and that might haunt you bad.” And then he added the final touche’ “after an age you want someone to cry about, one you can get angry with and one who would be your reason for smile & pride”. That really got me twisted & churned inside out. I went bonkers thinking about it all night. It would sound super silly to a 20 year old. While i could sense  clearly how deep the matter was….being in mid 30s helped. I knew the emotional impact under consideration. Imagining myself in 50s alone with my Chingus took my thoughts on a spiral nosedive down to worrisome-lonesome-sorrow land.

That was it! I had made up my mind. All i needed was to have a conversation with Chingus. If the clouds above our heads matched, then it meant ‘end of freedom’ very very soon! Phuhh!

Who? What? Why?

Me, my wife and our life around the matter of having a baby. Why because its not yet a crime to write about it.

My name is Mingus; well thats what my wife Chingus calls me. Am going to be a dad in some months. And to admit it blatantly, i’ve no clue whats in store in near future. I’ve heard all sorts of filmy cues, myths, facts & rubbish from various media sources. But have no clue what to believe and what not. Which of them is worthy fact & which are useless worries excreted by worried compulsive content creators. So this is my story of dealing with pregnancy. The stuff that happens before pregnancy. And the world that arrives post pregnancy. Am a male. Damn it! No monthly cycles, no uncomfortable stomach aches, no weird mood swings, no ‘oh Lord save me’ 9 month gestation period, no ‘oh hell i’ll die’ labor pain, no menopause, NOTHING AT ALL! Good God! Why such unfair distribution dear Nature? Why is that men have to worry only about pumping out this bag full of sperms? At least some of the weirdness had to be borne by us too damn it!! Not that i would love the mess. Not that i dont have things to be irritated about. But its plain empathy for the fellow fair sex. Its just unjust bifurcation of lifelong physical troubles to one gender!

So this blog is me, on my journey of sharing the left over woes. Every woe available to mankind minus whatever the women in my life suffer and my wife goes through (on everyday basis). This is about me trying to figure out how to make her life easier; and thus mine too. This is about decoding pregnancy & life around it from a Male’s standpoint. With every blog & help available on this topic run by a world of capable, deserving Females; this is an attempt to share what i know (nothing) about, learning about it. Hope to be of some use to other hapless fellows of sterner sex.

I would thus start with a humble introduction to the lead characters of this journey. Meet Chingus. The love of my life. My source of joy. The reason am worth anything. My motivation behind a meaningful existence. Everything! She is a tiny birdie. And in Madhyapradesh  state, things that are very tiny & cute are often called as ‘chingus’ in local slang.

She cuddles into her man more that she shops at a mall! Can you believe that?! She’s blind in love with her man. The thought of being away from him even for a day makes her frown like a kid leaving for boarding school.

She loves :

• travel
• spend holidays lying around doing nothing
• to booze
• to lie strangled in his arms all day all night
• to cook for him
• to be pampered
• to drive cars
• to watch youtube
• reading interesting stories (true & fictional alike)
• shopping! Tadaaaa!! That should end the world.

Then there’s me. Mingus. Her man. She calls me ‘the best husband in world’. Am not sure what else to add after that. 😀 All he thinks of is ‘how to spend more time around her’ and ‘how to get his business into a stable profitable state’. Mingus is the resonating (to Chingus) name my wife gave (with M coming from monkey!) :p

He loves:

• to pamper his lady
• non veg & booze
• his pack of wolves – his best buddies & partners in crime
• living on his terms wild & free, even if that leads to tough tricky phases
• reading (anything non-fictional)
• driving
• flying (dreaming or in real)
• ART. Tadaaa! That should end my world 😉

 

And we are expecting! Yayy!! 🙂

The drawings all are my wife’s work. This blog is probably a great excuse for her to take up doodle & drawing no? She has been good at it all her childhood. But like every grown up, such creative juices dried up in the demanding college & job years.

In next post, i’ll start with our beginning years of togetherness & why we were against having a baby for very long.