the surprising debate

This is story of Mingus (me) and Chingus (my wife) of how we went from a happy, carefree, wild married life to a family oriented, settling down pair.

Surprising it was…the debate. We were so sure about never having a baby ever….since we committed to our relationship and now we were settling down to figure it out!! Climate change you see? πŸ˜€ So here we were, both a little in transformed state. I was heavily influenced by the conversation i had with my friend, but Chingus was all on her own…melting & changing from within….may be by forces of nature. Her womanhood was taking a turn. During our usual casual weekeday dinner we decided to for a dinner date, the following weekend and talk about having a baby. Tadaaa! That in itself was a huge deal for two of us. What was about to come in near future was a grand deal for everyone close to us! Because they all knew how adamant we were about not multiplying. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

no-baby-please

 

We went to one of our favorite restaurants. I sat down with a mug of beer & she with vodka+coke. We drank very little that night, but ate a lot. Ate lot of food and a lot of our brains too πŸ˜€ I could see that the lady within Chingus was developing into a wannabe mother. She was not very sure about it, and wast very vocal about it either. But the subtle changes were very evident….changes in thought, desires, life at large. Mingus (myself) was the usual self. Still selfish…..thinking about lonely old days and totally sold out on the thought “life would be so boring if i dont have anyone to cry & crib about or one to laugh at” πŸ˜‰ LOL! Kidding! I was genuinely able to visualize the emptiness. We talked, thought & agreed :: “to have someone whom we would love more than each other, to be able to raise a human being who would possibly make the world a better place…atleast our world, to nurture a life that would bring a plethora of emotions including those of contempt & gratitude, etc would be so much more enchanting, enriching and marvelous! It would surely be a roller coaster of huge ups & steep downs, but heck! that would be one hell of a ride!! that would make our life so far more livelier & worthier.”

dinner date

 

The balance on weighing scale had shifted. By the end of that dinner night, we had crossed a long distance….from carefree-land to worry-land. Yup! There seemed to be a mountain of worries lying ahead if we were going to multiply. We had to start with the medical checkups. We wanted to be sure if both of us were in good healthy state to make the fertilization deliver a healthy sapling! πŸ™‚ There was lot of alcohol, meat and lack of fitness in our bodies to clear before the process began. We wanted a hefty bank balance for any emergency expenditure (medical needs to be specific). We wanted a car! We had to learn driving a car well in this mad metro traffic! And a host of such easy, silly accomplishments before we started the process of baby-making. No stress! πŸ˜€

Amidst all this; age clock was ticking relentlessly, without any breaks. Chingus has crossed 20. Our doctor’s BP was going high. My mother’s going low. Relatives started to believe one of us was impotent. Well, am not sure if they thought so but seemed pretty viable. And last but not the least, most of our friends had scored 1. Few scored 2 too! Remaining few were in the making of 2nd. Aaaghrrrhhhh!!

OK! So its decided. No more waiting. Baby making 101 starts next month 1st. That we planned.

the turning point

This blog is about me (Mingus) sharing his journey of love, life & giving life to another soul with his wife (Chingus).

When it comes to family matters, friends always come handy for advises.
Immediately after marriage, Chingus quit her job and shifted to my city. Months passed by blankly. No job, empty days & a disappointed mood throughout day. One day, one of my childhood friend would advice “why dont you guys have a baby right now? One big task from the checklist could be striked off no?” And we would react “Whaaaat?!! WTF?!! Having a baby is checking off 1 item from a to do list?!! Ewww!” πŸ˜€

frnds banter
There would be others.. people who matter a bit in our lives like family doctor, relatives, colleagues etc. And people who didnt matter at all like our regular shopkeepers, beggars, neighbors, gym members & who not! πŸ˜€ Everyone had a vested interest in checking if am potent & my wife fertile. Parents?! Uh ho! The most upset souls who are little shy to demand but would still say “2-3 bache to hone hi chahiye” (“minimum 2-3 should be the count”). Duhh! 5 years into marriage & not a single kid?! Thats one of the favorite tonic for gossip lovers in India. We should be jailed. Thats what all their faces read! πŸ˜€ More than me, it was Chingus who had to bear the brunt. Her aunts, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, few friends, etc would gently tap her once a while.

relatives

Such attacks would always go untouched. We might merely exchange information on who said what & forget it. But every time we met a friend who has a cute kid, we would melt a bit. A slight temptation of having one of own would arise. And exactly around that time when our hearts start to soak in temptation, ‘Almighty’ would bless us with company of a toddler. Either some family visits us for few days or we visit one. And the day they leave/we return, we would be back to normal state of bliss. We would be like “Phew! What a relief! Its so peaceful in here…with just the two of us & no Tarzan around!” So we were always contended & convinced that we dont need a kid. Caveat : i was sure about myself on that, but on my wife’s behalf…that was just my belief. I wasnt 100% sure if something was changing within her over years.

So one fine day (somewhere around beginning of 5th year of marriage), i was traveling to another city for work along with my good friend and partner. He is a 50+ chap whose kid is now into college, but still going young & strong. Brought up the topic “sir! what about kids? You guys dont want one or are delaying it for some reason?”. I gave a stern answer “we dont want one”. There was a lengthy debate that stretched all through our 4 hour journey. A lot of sensible, mature talk. But something illogical, something very light hit me real hard. He said “you know what? its all good & glory for now, but when you grow older…over your 40s and closer to your 50s you would badly miss an in-house companion. You would be disappointed that all your friends & family are too busy with their own inmates. That time you & your wife would be your only companion and that might haunt you bad.” And then he added the final touche’ “after an age you want someone to cry about, one you can get angry with and one who would be your reason for smile & pride”. That really got me twisted & churned inside out. I went bonkers thinking about it all night. It would sound super silly to a 20 year old. While i could senseΒ  clearly how deep the matter was….being in mid 30s helped. I knew the emotional impact under consideration. Imagining myself in 50s alone with my Chingus took my thoughts on a spiral nosedive down to worrisome-lonesome-sorrow land.

eye opener

That was it! I had made up my mind. All i needed was to have a conversation with Chingus. If the clouds above our heads matched, then it meant ‘end of freedom’ very very soon! Phuhh!

The ride begins

This blog is about me; a guy in his mid 30s (named Mingus) trying to deal with his pregnant wife (Chingus) and the journey around it.

Gosh! Where do i start!? There are couples who love & fight, but live happily together. There are those who love & separate. There are those who love, forget love & live together. And then there are those who love and grow mad about each other with each passing day for rest of their lives. We belong to the last mentioned category.

From our very early days in relationship, we were most happy when left alone. Even if that meant, being locked in a room with simple food, a movie & just two of us. We saw other couples enjoying more in common company & wondered if they were fools or we were crazy. We always avoided company, most times with silly stupid lies. Not much changed after marriage either. Now, this habit built a strange greed within us. Greed of not willing to share each other’s time with anyone else. Probably that was the major reason we were absolutely convinced about never having a baby.

Yup! You heard it right. We never ever wanted to have a baby. Not just me, but Chingus too. It was very mutual with 100% same intensity both sides. All the worldly reasons of having one seemed & sounded lame. It seemed as though everyone is following the course. Trying to fit in mold of ‘normal family life’. We were like “Why to have a baby? What purpose will it serve? Some people genuinely might love to have one, crave for one; but cant be so for every living adult on planet damn it! Atleast we had zero interest or craving, whatsoever! Having a baby would make us slaves to their schedules & liking for next 20-25 years!” etc etc. These were our thoughts.

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The fear of being monitored & governed by another soul…who is compulsorily around all the time…was too intimidating. The freedom we enjoyed & treasured was too dear. We could smooch, cuddle & go south, anywhere around the house whenever we wanted. We may contend a dinner with just pop corn & left overs. We may bang & sleep when families are glued to boring soap operas or wake up when others collected their kids from bus stops. No place was unreachable, nobody to please, no one’s tantrum to tolerate (except our own) and no daily schedules basically.

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Vacations were our own. No place was ‘mom am bored, lets go elsewhere!’. We could let our eyes rest on sea waves or let the brains soak in liquor & not suddenly yell “honey! wheres Chunmun?” A plate of daal-khichdi & some paracetamol would be enough to take care the worst of days! Booze would rule the order of day. Food could be endless junk and no fear of being role models…”Chunmun! enough chocolates! Now eat your meal…follow mommy papa”. And shopping at a mall would be such breeze….we may drop tried clothes on 2 foot soldiers around & never worry if we lost our own amidst the pile beside trial rooms.

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Basically, we were just not willing to give up all such liberties. We absolutely madly loved & treasured our independence.

But then, nothing is permanent! Everything; good or bad has an end. So this too was to end. Who & how contributed to moving this mountain? Well, thats insignificant considering the Himalayan challenge we were about to take up. Still would like to put it to words in next post. Because the thought “lets think about having a baby” was a big deal in itself. For us atleast πŸ™‚