The unwanted and then happy accidents

This is me Mingus dealing with a baby in Chingus’s (my wife’s) belly. And this story is of our journey of the ordeals to reaching this point in life.

So after around 3 months of ayurvedic torture on my wife we hit jackpot. One fine day she got pregnant. It happened too fast for us to believe. I mean 3 months is not a small time at all, but considering the complexity in our case this was a very happy surprise. Unfortunately the happiness stayed only for a short while. It landed into a miscarriage. Causes dont matter much because i believe its all up to the universse.

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The torture begins

This is a true story about me (Mingus) whose happy married life with Chingus is about to be pierced with a multiplication process….we are about to have a baby! πŸ™‚

So it was final that we will start with the efforts at soonest. We set a date to begin and meanwhile went on a flurry of dinner dates and booze parties. Chingus has a 6 day work week, so we always had only the Saturday night or Sunday noon to be the drunken master πŸ˜‰ It was almost a month or two of conservative partying….by that i mean being frugal. Most times we brought stuff home & enjoyed personal company. Lots of day dreaming and intermediate gossip about people in our circle. That was the norm for those 1-2 months. And then the day arrived when all this had to stop. My lovely birdie left booze, non-veg, dairy products, all processed packaged food and entire outside food. No hotels, no fast food, not even tea or coffee. She was super determined to create the healthiest environment possible for her baby. Environment=belly. Atleast the effort! The rest is faith. You do your part and leave the rest to universe. What was disappointing was that my lovely Chingus had to go through all the torture alone. Yes i had to accompany & partner in her ordeal, but i was still loose to go out with friends for a booze night or breaks like that. But my dear darling went into exile! Damn!!

Then arrived 1st of the dreaded month…when things start to change for ever. No, not the 1st month of pregnancy (thats yet quite far). This is the month when we start acting on the procedure towards preparing our bodies….my wife more than me. After all, she is going to be the home to creature-under-construction for 9 months. She stopped booze. She took oath not to eat non-veg ever again. Duhh! There goes my glorious dinner dates 😦 Our family doctor gave prescriptions for few tests. I cleared, but my love got a supplementary. There was work to be done before we two worked out πŸ˜‰ Chingus was detected with PCOS 😦 PCOS means eggs arent produced OR they are produced irregular. When produced, they dont fully grow to the stage of rupture. Unless egg ruptures, the sperm cannot enter & fertilize. This was upsetting. But our family doctor Mr. Rohit Rangappa is a gem. He’s got ayurvedic powers. So starts the torture. On my poor little birdie.

The first was to cleanse internal system. Virechan enters! Thats the name of treatment where some medicinal awful tasting ghee has to be consumed for a week & at end of week loose-motion is initiated using another medicine. Motto of this torture is to bring all the toxins in body to intestine & then wash it out. Then enters Basti! Another treatment where a mixture of various ayurvedic oils is inserted into the stomach that brings the necessary changes to hormones for curing PCOS. Well, atleast thats the result it is supposed to deliver if not cure PCOS. If all of this works well, then what remains is masti (meaning: 4play) & actual job! LOL! πŸ˜‰ Around 3 months went by and nothing happened. Chingus was getting weary & exhausted with this continuous treatment. Virechan is only a 1 time villian; he comes, fucks around, drains the hell out of his prey & leaves. I too have encountered him once. But Basti comes every month for 2 weeks every alternate day. Basti is the kind of villian who ravages the heroine every other day & leaves with the intimidating laughter “i’ll be back!” The only way to get rid of him is to get pregnant. And that happened! Hurray!! But something worse happened then. An accident of sorts. Phuhhhh!!

 

the surprising debate

This is story of Mingus (me) and Chingus (my wife) of how we went from a happy, carefree, wild married life to a family oriented, settling down pair.

Surprising it was…the debate. We were so sure about never having a baby ever….since we committed to our relationship and now we were settling down to figure it out!! Climate change you see? πŸ˜€ So here we were, both a little in transformed state. I was heavily influenced by the conversation i had with my friend, but Chingus was all on her own…melting & changing from within….may be by forces of nature. Her womanhood was taking a turn. During our usual casual weekeday dinner we decided to for a dinner date, the following weekend and talk about having a baby. Tadaaa! That in itself was a huge deal for two of us. What was about to come in near future was a grand deal for everyone close to us! Because they all knew how adamant we were about not multiplying. πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

no-baby-please

 

We went to one of our favorite restaurants. I sat down with a mug of beer & she with vodka+coke. We drank very little that night, but ate a lot. Ate lot of food and a lot of our brains too πŸ˜€ I could see that the lady within Chingus was developing into a wannabe mother. She was not very sure about it, and wast very vocal about it either. But the subtle changes were very evident….changes in thought, desires, life at large. Mingus (myself) was the usual self. Still selfish…..thinking about lonely old days and totally sold out on the thought “life would be so boring if i dont have anyone to cry & crib about or one to laugh at” πŸ˜‰ LOL! Kidding! I was genuinely able to visualize the emptiness. We talked, thought & agreed :: “to have someone whom we would love more than each other, to be able to raise a human being who would possibly make the world a better place…atleast our world, to nurture a life that would bring a plethora of emotions including those of contempt & gratitude, etc would be so much more enchanting, enriching and marvelous! It would surely be a roller coaster of huge ups & steep downs, but heck! that would be one hell of a ride!! that would make our life so far more livelier & worthier.”

dinner date

 

The balance on weighing scale had shifted. By the end of that dinner night, we had crossed a long distance….from carefree-land to worry-land. Yup! There seemed to be a mountain of worries lying ahead if we were going to multiply. We had to start with the medical checkups. We wanted to be sure if both of us were in good healthy state to make the fertilization deliver a healthy sapling! πŸ™‚ There was lot of alcohol, meat and lack of fitness in our bodies to clear before the process began. We wanted a hefty bank balance for any emergency expenditure (medical needs to be specific). We wanted a car! We had to learn driving a car well in this mad metro traffic! And a host of such easy, silly accomplishments before we started the process of baby-making. No stress! πŸ˜€

Amidst all this; age clock was ticking relentlessly, without any breaks. Chingus has crossed 20. Our doctor’s BP was going high. My mother’s going low. Relatives started to believe one of us was impotent. Well, am not sure if they thought so but seemed pretty viable. And last but not the least, most of our friends had scored 1. Few scored 2 too! Remaining few were in the making of 2nd. Aaaghrrrhhhh!!

OK! So its decided. No more waiting. Baby making 101 starts next month 1st. That we planned.

the turning point

This blog is about me (Mingus) sharing his journey of love, life & giving life to another soul with his wife (Chingus).

When it comes to family matters, friends always come handy for advises.
Immediately after marriage, Chingus quit her job and shifted to my city. Months passed by blankly. No job, empty days & a disappointed mood throughout day. One day, one of my childhood friend would advice “why dont you guys have a baby right now? One big task from the checklist could be striked off no?” And we would react “Whaaaat?!! WTF?!! Having a baby is checking off 1 item from a to do list?!! Ewww!” πŸ˜€

frnds banter
There would be others.. people who matter a bit in our lives like family doctor, relatives, colleagues etc. And people who didnt matter at all like our regular shopkeepers, beggars, neighbors, gym members & who not! πŸ˜€ Everyone had a vested interest in checking if am potent & my wife fertile. Parents?! Uh ho! The most upset souls who are little shy to demand but would still say “2-3 bache to hone hi chahiye” (“minimum 2-3 should be the count”). Duhh! 5 years into marriage & not a single kid?! Thats one of the favorite tonic for gossip lovers in India. We should be jailed. Thats what all their faces read! πŸ˜€ More than me, it was Chingus who had to bear the brunt. Her aunts, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, few friends, etc would gently tap her once a while.

relatives

Such attacks would always go untouched. We might merely exchange information on who said what & forget it. But every time we met a friend who has a cute kid, we would melt a bit. A slight temptation of having one of own would arise. And exactly around that time when our hearts start to soak in temptation, ‘Almighty’ would bless us with company of a toddler. Either some family visits us for few days or we visit one. And the day they leave/we return, we would be back to normal state of bliss. We would be like “Phew! What a relief! Its so peaceful in here…with just the two of us & no Tarzan around!” So we were always contended & convinced that we dont need a kid. Caveat : i was sure about myself on that, but on my wife’s behalf…that was just my belief. I wasnt 100% sure if something was changing within her over years.

So one fine day (somewhere around beginning of 5th year of marriage), i was traveling to another city for work along with my good friend and partner. He is a 50+ chap whose kid is now into college, but still going young & strong. Brought up the topic “sir! what about kids? You guys dont want one or are delaying it for some reason?”. I gave a stern answer “we dont want one”. There was a lengthy debate that stretched all through our 4 hour journey. A lot of sensible, mature talk. But something illogical, something very light hit me real hard. He said “you know what? its all good & glory for now, but when you grow older…over your 40s and closer to your 50s you would badly miss an in-house companion. You would be disappointed that all your friends & family are too busy with their own inmates. That time you & your wife would be your only companion and that might haunt you bad.” And then he added the final touche’ “after an age you want someone to cry about, one you can get angry with and one who would be your reason for smile & pride”. That really got me twisted & churned inside out. I went bonkers thinking about it all night. It would sound super silly to a 20 year old. While i could senseΒ  clearly how deep the matter was….being in mid 30s helped. I knew the emotional impact under consideration. Imagining myself in 50s alone with my Chingus took my thoughts on a spiral nosedive down to worrisome-lonesome-sorrow land.

eye opener

That was it! I had made up my mind. All i needed was to have a conversation with Chingus. If the clouds above our heads matched, then it meant ‘end of freedom’ very very soon! Phuhh!

The ride begins

This blog is about me; a guy in his mid 30s (named Mingus) trying to deal with his pregnant wife (Chingus) and the journey around it.

Gosh! Where do i start!? There are couples who love & fight, but live happily together. There are those who love & separate. There are those who love, forget love & live together. And then there are those who love and grow mad about each other with each passing day for rest of their lives. We belong to the last mentioned category.

From our very early days in relationship, we were most happy when left alone. Even if that meant, being locked in a room with simple food, a movie & just two of us. We saw other couples enjoying more in common company & wondered if they were fools or we were crazy. We always avoided company, most times with silly stupid lies. Not much changed after marriage either. Now, this habit built a strange greed within us. Greed of not willing to share each other’s time with anyone else. Probably that was the major reason we were absolutely convinced about never having a baby.

Yup! You heard it right. We never ever wanted to have a baby. Not just me, but Chingus too. It was very mutual with 100% same intensity both sides. All the worldly reasons of having one seemed & sounded lame. It seemed as though everyone is following the course. Trying to fit in mold of ‘normal family life’. We were like “Why to have a baby? What purpose will it serve? Some people genuinely might love to have one, crave for one; but cant be so for every living adult on planet damn it! Atleast we had zero interest or craving, whatsoever! Having a baby would make us slaves to their schedules & liking for next 20-25 years!” etc etc. These were our thoughts.

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The fear of being monitored & governed by another soul…who is compulsorily around all the time…was too intimidating. The freedom we enjoyed & treasured was too dear. We could smooch, cuddle & go south, anywhere around the house whenever we wanted. We may contend a dinner with just pop corn & left overs. We may bang & sleep when families are glued to boring soap operas or wake up when others collected their kids from bus stops. No place was unreachable, nobody to please, no one’s tantrum to tolerate (except our own) and no daily schedules basically.

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Vacations were our own. No place was ‘mom am bored, lets go elsewhere!’. We could let our eyes rest on sea waves or let the brains soak in liquor & not suddenly yell “honey! wheres Chunmun?” A plate of daal-khichdi & some paracetamol would be enough to take care the worst of days! Booze would rule the order of day. Food could be endless junk and no fear of being role models…”Chunmun! enough chocolates! Now eat your meal…follow mommy papa”. And shopping at a mall would be such breeze….we may drop tried clothes on 2 foot soldiers around & never worry if we lost our own amidst the pile beside trial rooms.

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Basically, we were just not willing to give up all such liberties. We absolutely madly loved & treasured our independence.

But then, nothing is permanent! Everything; good or bad has an end. So this too was to end. Who & how contributed to moving this mountain? Well, thats insignificant considering the Himalayan challenge we were about to take up. Still would like to put it to words in next post. Because the thought “lets think about having a baby” was a big deal in itself. For us atleast πŸ™‚

 

 

 

 

 

Who? What? Why?

Me, my wife and our life around the matter of having a baby. Why because its not yet a crime to write about it.

My name is Mingus; well thats what my wife Chingus calls me. Am going to be a dad in some months. And to admit it blatantly, i’ve no clue whats in store in near future. I’ve heard all sorts of filmy cues, myths, facts & rubbish from various media sources. But have no clue what to believe and what not. Which of them is worthy fact & which are useless worries excreted by worried compulsive content creators. So this is my story of dealing with pregnancy. The stuff that happens before pregnancy. And the world that arrives post pregnancy. Am a male. Damn it! No monthly cycles, no uncomfortable stomach aches, no weird mood swings, no ‘oh Lord save me’ 9 month gestation period, no ‘oh hell i’ll die’ labor pain, no menopause, NOTHING AT ALL! Good God! Why such unfair distribution dear Nature? Why is that men have to worry only about pumping out this bag full of sperms? At least some of the weirdness had to be borne by us too damn it!! Not that i would love the mess. Not that i dont have things to be irritated about. But its plain empathy for the fellow fair sex. Its just unjust bifurcation of lifelong physical troubles to one gender!

So this blog is me, on my journey of sharing the left over woes. Every woe available to mankind minus whatever the women in my life suffer and my wife goes through (on everyday basis). This is about me trying to figure out how to make her life easier; and thus mine too. This is about decoding pregnancy & life around it from a Male’s standpoint. With every blog & help available on this topic run by a world of capable, deserving Females; this is an attempt to share what i know (nothing) about, learning about it. Hope to be of some use to other hapless fellows of sterner sex.

I would thus start with a humble introduction to the lead characters of this journey. Meet Chingus. The love of my life. My source of joy. The reason am worth anything. My motivation behind a meaningful existence. Everything! She is a tiny birdie. And in MadhyapradeshΒ  state, things that are very tiny & cute are often called as ‘chingus’ in local slang.

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She cuddles into her man more that she shops at a mall! Can you believe that?! She’s blind in love with her man. The thought of being away from him even for a day makes her frown like a kid leaving for boarding school.

She loves :

  • travel
  • spend holidays lying around doing nothing
  • to booze
  • to lie strangled in his arms all day all night
  • to cook for him
  • to be pampered
  • to drive cars
  • to watch youtube
  • reading interesting stories (true & fictional alike)
  • shopping! Tadaaaa!! That should end the world.

Then there’s me. Mingus. Her man. She calls me ‘the best husband in world’. Am not sure what else to add after that. πŸ˜€ All he thinks of is ‘how to spend more time around her’ and ‘how to get his business into a stable profitable state’. Mingus is the resonating (to Chingus) name my wife gave (with M coming from monkey!) :p

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He loves:

  • to pamper his lady
  • non veg & booze
  • his pack of wolves – his best buddies & partners in crime
  • living on his terms wild & free, even if that leads to tough tricky phases
  • reading (anything non-fictional)
  • driving
  • flying (dreaming or in real)
  • ART. Tadaaa! That should end my world πŸ˜‰

 

And we are expecting! Yayy!! πŸ™‚

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The drawings all are my wife’s work. This blog is probably a great excuse for her to take up doodle & drawing no? She has been good at it all her childhood. But like every grown up, such creative juices dried up in the demanding college & job years.

In next post, i’ll start with our beginning years of togetherness & why we were against having a baby for very long.