the turning point

This blog is about me (Mingus) sharing his journey of love, life & giving life to another soul with his wife (Chingus).

When it comes to family matters, friends always come handy for advises.
Immediately after marriage, Chingus quit her job and shifted to my city. Months passed by blankly. No job, empty days & a disappointed mood throughout day. One day, one of my childhood friend would advice “why dont you guys have a baby right now? One big task from the checklist could be striked off no?” And we would react “Whaaaat?!! WTF?!! Having a baby is checking off 1 item from a to do list?!! Ewww!” ๐Ÿ˜€

frnds banter
There would be others.. people who matter a bit in our lives like family doctor, relatives, colleagues etc. And people who didnt matter at all like our regular shopkeepers, beggars, neighbors, gym members & who not! ๐Ÿ˜€ Everyone had a vested interest in checking if am potent & my wife fertile. Parents?! Uh ho! The most upset souls who are little shy to demand but would still say “2-3 bache to hone hi chahiye” (“minimum 2-3 should be the count”). Duhh! 5 years into marriage & not a single kid?! Thats one of the favorite tonic for gossip lovers in India. We should be jailed. Thats what all their faces read! ๐Ÿ˜€ More than me, it was Chingus who had to bear the brunt. Her aunts, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, few friends, etc would gently tap her once a while.

relatives

Such attacks would always go untouched. We might merely exchange information on who said what & forget it. But every time we met a friend who has a cute kid, we would melt a bit. A slight temptation of having one of own would arise. And exactly around that time when our hearts start to soak in temptation, ‘Almighty’ would bless us with company of a toddler. Either some family visits us for few days or we visit one. And the day they leave/we return, we would be back to normal state of bliss. We would be like “Phew! What a relief! Its so peaceful in here…with just the two of us & no Tarzan around!” So we were always contended & convinced that we dont need a kid. Caveat : i was sure about myself on that, but on my wife’s behalf…that was just my belief. I wasnt 100% sure if something was changing within her over years.

So one fine day (somewhere around beginning of 5th year of marriage), i was traveling to another city for work along with my good friend and partner. He is a 50+ chap whose kid is now into college, but still going young & strong. Brought up the topic “sir! what about kids? You guys dont want one or are delaying it for some reason?”. I gave a stern answer “we dont want one”. There was a lengthy debate that stretched all through our 4 hour journey. A lot of sensible, mature talk. But something illogical, something very light hit me real hard. He said “you know what? its all good & glory for now, but when you grow older…over your 40s and closer to your 50s you would badly miss an in-house companion. You would be disappointed that all your friends & family are too busy with their own inmates. That time you & your wife would be your only companion and that might haunt you bad.” And then he added the final touche’ “after an age you want someone to cry about, one you can get angry with and one who would be your reason for smile & pride”. That really got me twisted & churned inside out. I went bonkers thinking about it all night. It would sound super silly to a 20 year old. While i could senseย  clearly how deep the matter was….being in mid 30s helped. I knew the emotional impact under consideration. Imagining myself in 50s alone with my Chingus took my thoughts on a spiral nosedive down to worrisome-lonesome-sorrow land.

eye opener

That was it! I had made up my mind. All i needed was to have a conversation with Chingus. If the clouds above our heads matched, then it meant ‘end of freedom’ very very soon! Phuhh!

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